“You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget, but don’t let it take over your life.”
This little piece of advice was what started an inspiring conversation I had with a dear friend the other day. He said that sentence to me and a whole new world opened up in my eyes. For the past six months I have been struggling with letting go of the hurt that a friend caused me. It really was taking over a part of my life, where I wouldn’t go to certain events with the fear that I’d run into her and all the anger and hurt would come boiling back inside of me. Even just the thought of her and how much hurt she not only caused me but that she causes other people would make me RAGE inside. I had so many built up angry feelings that I tried to avoid any sort of contact with her…and this is when that little piece of advice changed my thoughts…
Another night had rolled around with an event that I wanted to go to but I knew there was a chance I’d run into this girl so I planned to not go. I told my guy friend,”I want to go to this event but I don’t know if I’m at that place where I can forgive and forget her enough that I’d be able to see her.” My guy friend looked at me and said, “You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget, but don’t let it take over your life, that is when you let them win.” I sat there looking at him knowing he was right and just soaked it in. Why was I the one doing all the avoiding? Why was I the one that had to suffer when I was the victim? I decided, “That’s right, fuck that! I’m going!”
We talked about how he rarely holds grudges, and how he tends to then just be thankful for the type of person he is and the upbringing he had. He said, “Sometime you can’t even really blame them. Sometime you just have to let it go thinking that they just don’t know how to be any better, and to them, this is the best they can be. Instead, just focus on how grateful you are for the positive influences you’ve had in your life that have made you not be the way they are. Focus on appreciating the upbringing that has made you a good person.” That conversation in itself really brought a lot of calmness to situation, it REALLY made me let it go, breathe again, and move forward.
I am thankful for new eyes in a tiring situation. I am thankful to have a part of my life back. And I am most thankful for good friends and good conversations.